I have been striving for a holiday spirit thru these holidays and God has been helping me so much!! There have been several helpful things involved. My husband's guidance, Pastor Brian's Sunday message and God softly reminding me something. I was thinking about a Mary/Martha heart issue.... I guess Wes from church prayed that on sunday.... anyway, I always think of the Mary/Martha issue as a physical, work issue or lack of it. Than the Holy Spirit made me realize that it is really a heart attitude..... as i work thru things, be it chaos of kids, cooking, preparing, etc.... My heart needs to reflect the attitude of sitting before God. There are things that need to be done, there are people to go see, it gets crazy, but in my heart, that is where the peace, love and Mary heart need to be.... that really made a difference to me this Christmastime. Maybe it seems normal and basic, but that makes my relationship with God all the more personal this Christmas. Maybe that was His gift to me :)

I have an obsession.... well, lots of them really, but one of them is the TRUTH. In our world, at least our american culture, there tends to be such an absence of truth. That to me is the center of sin issues that i deal with--as in selfishness, pride, etc.... i think i am the main thing. Or as in lying, i think that lying will get me out of trouble--the truth, is God's way tho, and in the long run, only that is lasting, real and satisfying. The sin issues, or the lies only complicate and cause pain. So i was encouraged the other day to read in John 15 that Jesus was telling his disciples about 'the Spirit of Truth" and in John 16, He talks about sending the 'Comforter' or 'Spirit of truth'....so does it seem that the Holy Spirit guides us by giving us truth, and guiding us in that??? How cool is that!!!!

I like to play

my best time on this game so far was 43 seconds....can you beat me

(i am competitive too) :)

I am totally living off this passage today...it is sustaining me ;)


Lamentations 3
21 Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this:22 The faithful love of the LORD never ends!* His mercies never cease.23 Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!"25 The LORD is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him.26 So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the LORD.27 And it is good for people to submit at an early age to the yoke of his discipline:28 Let them sit alone in silence beneath the LORD's demands.29 Let them lie face down in the dust, for there may be hope at last.30 Let them turn the other cheek to those who strike them and accept the insults of their enemies.31 For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever.32 Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his unfailing love.33 For he does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow.34 If people crush underfoot all the prisoners of the land,35 if they deprive others of their rights in defiance of the Most High,36 if they twist justice in the courts— doesn't the Lord see all these things?37 Who can command things to happen without the Lord's permission?

Praises to God today for:

yay, the sun is shining today ;)

I started my day the right way today...i usually don't read on the weekends, but i pay for it soooo bad...i don't want to be a legalist, but i absolutely need God's word everyday, or i become consummed with myself!! i can't stop it, so i have to fight it i guess! but I thank God that He made me desperate for HIS WORD....that only happens when HE puts that desire in me.

From a friend....very meaningful and needful for me today and really, my favorite passage ;)



Joh 15:1 "I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinegrower.
Joh 15:2 He removes every branch in me that does not produce fruit, and he cleanses every branch that does produce fruit so that it might produce more fruit.
Joh 15:3 You are already clean because of the word that I have spoken to you.
Joh 15:4 "Abide in me, and I will abide in you. Just as the branch cannot produce fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me.
Joh 15:5 I am the vine, you are the branches. The one who abides in me while I abide in him produces much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.
Joh 15:6 Unless a person abides in me, he is thrown away like a branch and dries up. People gather such branches and throw them into the fire, and they are burned.
Joh 15:7 If you abide in me and my words abide in you, you can ask for anything you want, and it will be yours.
Joh 15:8 This is how my Father is glorified, when you produce a lot of fruit and prove to be my disciples.
Joh 15:9 Just as the Father has loved me, so I have loved you. So abide in my love.
Joh 15:10 If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love.
Joh 15:11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete.
Joh 15:12 "This is my commandment: that you love one another as I have loved you.
Joh 15:13 No one shows greater love than when he lays down his life for his friends.
Joh 15:14 You are my friends if you do what I command you.
Joh 15:15 I do not call you servants anymore, because a servant does not know what his master is doing. But I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father.
Joh 15:16 "You have not chosen me, but I have chosen you. I have appointed you to go and produce fruit that will last, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he will give it to you.
Joh 15:17 I am giving you these commandments so that you may love one another."

meditating on this is sooooo helpful, needful and good!!

Yesterday, God really showed me some interesting things.... A very long story, but let's see if I can get some of it out at least ;)

Well, I have been really struggling through my times with God,and sometimes for days at a time avoiding it altogether. Not on purpose, but things happen and I just let it 'slide'. This has been happening on and off for about 2 weeks. Well, some things are happening as far as 'rest of my life' decisions with Tim and I and I just felt a really big need to hear from and sit before God.... sooooo here's what came really directly from God ....I am very thankful BTW....Because as I said, I have NOT been faithful to him, yet he continues to be faithful to me!! How amazing and wonderful....

So, I realize as I go to God's word that I need someone to preach to me....I am not getting it on my own, so I chose Spurgeon for this day, ( either choose him or CS Lewis :).....Well, the title of this particular entry was "The sin of unbelief"

"Thou shalt see it with thine eyes, but shalt not eat thereof." Listen unbelievers! Ye have heard this morning your sin; now listen to your doom: "Ye shall see it with your eyes, but shalt not eat thereof." It is so often with God's own saints. When they are unbelieving, they see the mercy with their eyes, but do not eat it. Now, here is corn in this land of Egypt; but there are some of God's saints who come here on the Sabbath, and say, "I do not know whether the Lord will be with me or not." Some of them say, "Well, the gospel is preached, but I do not know whether it will be successful." They are always doubting and fearing. Listen to them when they get out of the chapel. "Well, did you get a good meal this morning?" "Nothing for me." Of course not. Ye could see it with your eyes, but did not eat it, because you had no faith. If you had come up with faith, you would have had a morsel. I have found Christians, who have grown so very critical, that if the whole portion of the meat they are to have, in due season, is not cut up exactly into square pieces, and put upon some choice dish of porcelain, they cannot eat it. Then they ought to go without; and they will have to go without, until they are brought to their appetites. They will have some affliction, which will act like quinine upon them: they will be made to eat by means of bitters in their mouths; they will be put in prison for a day or two until their appetite returns, and then they will be glad to eat the most ordinary food, off the most common platter, or no platter at all. But the real reason why God's people do not feed under a gospel ministry, is, because they have not faith. If you believed, if you did but hear one promise, that would be enough.

for meditation: The unbeliever needs to hear in order to believe (Romans 10:14);the believer needs to believe in order to hear"

the Scriptures that went with this devotional were 2Kings 7:19 and John 20:24-29 Which show 2 people and their unbelief. A king's messenger who says even if God opens heaven, that won't happen and Thomas who says I won't believe unless I see. God honors Thomas and punishes the messenger. How encouraging that God gently, kindly ministers to the needs of Thomas, even in his unbelief!!! Let me believe, but minister to my unbelief as well dear Lord!! I guess the difference is that the messenger says, no matter what God does, it can't happen! I pray that God will keep me from that! --- so belief is a big issue and i am sure it is going to apply to alot of my 'life decision' issues..... but i also need to know what to do in relation to my whole 'life decision' ---hope you can follow my 'random' thots.......but anyway........ we were not in agreement with our thots..... this was in the back of my mind...... and as I finished my time with God I really wanted to have a take away verse that I could carry with me and be encouraged by and this is the one God gave me! It's Philippians 2:2b (and beyond really) but this is what I needed in relation to my 'life issue'

"agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose" ---so there's my direction for this life decision. I didn't really have a feeling of agreement, but that truth from God's word confirmed what I need to do and changed my heart!! But I remember that I was faithless and God was faithful to me in the midst of that--so, it is nothing of me, but God in His kindness making me a little bit more like Jesus ;) and I am sooooo thankful for that!!!

and today, Spurgeon's title was "Self-Sufficiency Slain" scriptures 2Chronicles 32:30-31 John 15:5 and Philippians 4:6-13--i am glad for this as well, cuz i don't want to think "I have this down"..... i need God every bit in this area as ever....k, guess i better be done here.....

These verses have been sooo meaningful to me lately....I was sulking about something and here's what God said .....


Psalm 4
6 Many people say, "Who will show us better times?" Let your face smile on us, LORD.7 You have given me greater joy than those who have abundant harvests of grain and new wine.8 In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O LORD, will keep me safe.

Here's what I gained from this.... Ok, here's my circumstances....I can either A> ask for things to get better or B> seek to see the smiling face of God on me..... Well the passage goes on to explain how wonderful and preferable the B> is......So I choose to choose that --by God's enabling grace of course ;) smiles...... And do you know that after meditating on that some that I have seen the sun shining a lot more lately, that sure makes me think of a smile from God ....What a good, kind God!!!!!!!

I was reading a lot today, as I haven't been reading much...And I just feel like I am missing out on things.....SO I started in Romans and than I started reading in my daily Spurgeon book and that lead me to I Timothy and Ezekiel. I found Ezekiel extremely interesting, especially since my husband has been reading it and telling me how much he is enjoying it. So I am going to give an excerpt here....I will try to not make it long, but the whole chapter is just so good, so we'll see where I stop ;) (this is the NLT, which i read out of a lot...it is very simple and straightforward)

Ezekiel 36:16-37


16 Then this further message came to me from the LORD:17 "Son of man, when the people of Israel were living in their own land, they defiled it by the evil way they lived. To me their conduct was as unclean as a woman's menstrual cloth.18 They polluted the land with murder and the worship of idols,* so I poured out my fury on them.19 I scattered them to many lands to punish them for the evil way they had lived.20 But when they were scattered among the nations, they brought shame on my holy name. For the nations said, `These are the people of the LORD, but he couldn't keep them safe in his own land!'21 Then I was concerned for my holy name, on which my people brought shame among the nations. 22 "Therefore, give the people of Israel this message from the Sovereign LORD: I am bringing you back, but not because you deserve it. I am doing it to protect my holy name, on which you brought shame while you were scattered among the nations.23 I will show how holy my great name is--the name on which you brought shame among the nations. And when I reveal my holiness through you before their very eyes, says the Sovereign LORD, then the nations will know that I am the LORD.24 For I will gather you up from all the nations and bring you home again to your land. 25 "Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean. Your filth will be washed away, and you will no longer worship idols.26 And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.*27 And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations. 28 "And you will live in Israel, the land I gave your ancestors long ago. You will be my people, and I will be your God.29 I will cleanse you of your filthy behavior. I will give you good crops of grain, and I will send no more famines on the land.30 I will give you great harvests from your fruit trees and fields, and never again will the surrounding nations be able to scoff at your land for its famines.31 Then you will remember your past sins and despise yourselves for all the detestable things you did.32 But remember, says the Sovereign LORD, I am not doing this because you deserve it. O my people of Israel, you should be utterly ashamed of all you have done! 33 "This is what the Sovereign LORD says: When I cleanse you from your sins, I will repopulate your cities, and the ruins will be rebuilt.34 The fields that used to lie empty and desolate in plain view of everyone will again be farmed.35 And when I bring you back, people will say, `This former wasteland is now like the Garden of Eden! The abandoned and ruined cities now have strong walls and are filled with people!'36 Then the surrounding nations that survive will know that I, the LORD, have rebuilt the ruins and replanted the wasteland. For I, the LORD, have spoken, and I will do what I say. 37 "This is what the Sovereign LORD says: I am ready to hear Israel's prayers and to increase their numbers like a flock.38 They will be as numerous as the sacred flocks that fill Jerusalem's streets at the time of her festivals. The ruined cities will be crowded with people once more, and everyone will know that I am the LORD."


I love this, because it stirs humility in me and reminds me of God's mercy, grace and kindness. It really is God's greatest kindness, to make much of himself and His great name and OOOO how i benefit!!

I am still working through JI Packer's 'Knowing God' Here is a really good quote out of the chapter that is titled "Goodness and Severity" (talking through the character's and attributes of God) Here it is.... (f you feel like it is to long, at least read #3)


"... Three lessons....

1. Appreciate the goodness of God. Count your blessing. Learn not to take natural benefits, endowments, and pleasures for granted; learn to thank God for them all. Do not slight the Bible, or the gospel of Jesus Christ, by an attitude of casualness towards either. The Bible shows you a savior who suffered and died in order that we sinners might be reconciled to God; Calvary is the measure of the goodness of God; lay it to heart. Ask yourself the psalmist question--'What shall I render unto the LORD for all his benefits toward me?' Seek grace to give his answer--' I will take the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the LORD....O LORD, truly I am thy servant... I will pay my vows unto the LORD now...' (Psalm 116"12ff.).

2. Appreciate the patience of God. Think how He has borne with you, and still bears with you, when so much in your life is unworthy of Him, and you have so richly deserved His rejection. Learn to marvel at His patience, and seek grace to imitate it in your dealings with other men; and try not to try His patience any more.

3. Appreciate the discipline of God. He is both your upholder and, in the last analysis, your environment; all things come of Him, and you have tasted His goodness every day of your life. Has this experience led you to repentance and faith in Christ? If not, you are trifling with God, and stand under the threat of His severity. But if, now, He, in Whitefield's phrase, puts thorns in your bed, it is only to awaken you from the sleep of spiritual death, and to make you rise up to see His mercy. Or if you are a true believer, and He still puts thorns in your bed, it is only to keep you from falling into the somnolence of complacency, and to ensure that you 'continue in goodness' by letting your sense of need bring you back constantly in self-abasement and faith to seek His face. This kindly discipline, in which God's severity touches us for a moment in the context of His goodness, is meant to keep us from having to bear the full brunt of that severity apart from context. It is a discipline of love, and must be received accordingly. 'My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord' (Hebrews 12:5) "It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes' (Psalm 119:71)

So distracted from my I Kings.... but I am absolutely eating up Romans.... I started in 1:16, I think and it has gone right along with God's wrath- the chapter I just read in JI Packer's 'Knowing God". I am sooo thankful that Jesus took my punishment.... Because I can't not sin!!! God is so merciful and kind to allow me to have that relationship with HIM!

"One day Jesus told his disciples a story to illustrate their need for constant prayer and to show them that they must never give up. " Luke 18:1

here's that story :)




" 'There was a judge in a certain city'. He said, 'who was a godless man with contempt for every one. A widow of that city came to him repeatedly, appealing for justice against someone who had harmed her. The judge ignored her for a while, but eventually she wore him out. 'I fear neither God nor man', he said to himself, ' but this woman is driving me crazy. I'm going to see that she gets justice, because she is wearing me out with her constant requests!'

Then the Lord said 'Learn a lesson from this evil judge. Even he rendered a just decision in the end, so don't you think God will surely give justice to his chosen people who plead with him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will grant justice to them quickly! But when I, the Son of Man return, how many will I find who have faith?'" Luke 18:2-8

(I am having fits with the quote marks in here...But you get the idea :)

(I have added my own emphasis)

this judge is godless and he hates everyone....The only reason he gave her what she wanted was because she was driving HIM crazy....He was being selfish even in this.... But GOD Loves us....He wants to work all of our lives out for good when we love him. This seems like a powerful example of what prayer is. I also see why Jesus made the last statement...It seems like he may be saying.... Don't you see what God will do when you pray, yet, when he comes again, he doubts that (despite all God will do thru prayer) people will even have faith--tho they have such power thru prayer and such an opportunity to see God work....Still few will avail themselves to it.....

This is such a good quote from "Knowing God" by J I Packer

"As a believer, he finds in the cross of Christ assurance that he, as an individual, is beloved of God; 'the Son of God... Loved me, and gave himself for me' (Gal 2:20). Knowing this, he is able to apply to himself the promise that all things work together for good to them that love God and are called according to His purpose (Rom 8:28). Not just some things, note, but all things! Every single thing that happens to him expresses God's love to him, and so far as he is concerned, God is love to him--holy, omnipotent love--at every moment and in every event of every day's life. Even when he cannot see the why and the wherefore of God's dealings, he knows that there is love in and behind them, and so he can rejoice always, even when, humanly speaking, things are going wrong. He knows that the true story of this life, when known, will prove to be, as the hymn say, 'mercy from first to last' -- and he is content"

I was looking at the first Kings passage again today and what STRUCK me was the whole thing that happens as God sets up Solomon to be king. It looks likes Adonijah is going to be king.... BUT GOD... Accomplishes HIS purpose and through David sets up Solomon. I see God sorting through this human mess and accomplishing what His purpose is. I love that....I so often see and think that all is lost. Why do I so often forget that--God's got this. He knows, He understands and all along He is working out the details. What a good and kind God --Of course I can trust Him, he has shown me over and over that He is in control (why do I forget?)

I really have nothing to say.... I have been thinking and thinking about posting here...But nothing comes to my mind (we did go to the DGM national conference over this last weekend... and I saw God work so much in my life--so maybe that I will be posting on that later, but I think I am still sorting all that out in my mind)..... BUT-- I do know that God has been so kind to me lately... I have no words for the thanks that I feel for all the good He has done for me! He is always good, but as I see his blessings, I realize it. I pray that I will realize God's goodness when I am struggling !!!

The I Kings 1:5-31 passage is like an overview of watching God work out a struggle.... There is conflict and God resolves it. :)

Yesterday God showed me a piece of the big picture ;) He lets that be seen to encourage I think. I pray and He shows me something, that is encouraging me to pray and teaching me that I can trust Him.... Still if i don't see (because that is his grace to show me some of what He is doing) I still need to trust. For now I am so grateful that He allowed me to see :) I Pray that He will help me to trust when I don't see!

So many things going on in my mind. I am seeing such struggles all around me.... I was going to talk about the I Kings passage....But instead :)

I was thinking about all these struggles....And how my view of it makes all of it seem hopeless...But than I saw one of those squirrels run by, that God is in control of, and I remembered who I was doubting!! I am so sad that I am so forgetful of who HE is and who I am! Of course I don't see what needs to be done, or how he is going to do it, I am not Him! He has also taken care of so many things, so many times, in so many cool ways.....soooo here's my choice today ( I think I will have to make it over and over, as my mind forgets )....To trust God with my friends, to know that He can do this (He's been doing it for all eternity after all :)--o, and He doesn't need my help :) ....Oops, thot he did :)-- he could probably do a much better job if I didn't keep interfering ;)
So....there's the joy....when I leave it with Him...otherwise, I have worry, and turmoil and sadness....but trusting in HIM....brings great joy and peace--kinda seems stupid to choose not to trust (why do I keep forgetting?)

This is joy to me!! Being at the lake....if only it had been warm enough to get in ;)

I am rejoicing in the power of God's word (and friends influence) to change me, I didn't spend time (not significantly anyway) meditating on my passage yesterday, because I was struggling through (big time, majorly ;) not being a loving person --it was consuming my thots, to put it mildly.... soooo I remembered that a friend had told me of meditating on I Cor 13. I knew my (that would be God) problem and I knew where to find what God said about it. I spent some time meditating on it and discussing it with a friend...Than, not in a BAM moment, but g-r-a-d-u-a-l-l-y it sunk in and God restored a loving spirit --tho-I know it is the HOLY SPIRIT....Not my spirit, because I could not and did not change myself yesterday, until God did it!! Soooo that is why I am rejoicing!! :) Because God.....

Meditating on I Kings 1:5-31 and beyond...But this first part is my focus today. Here's what I see happening. Adonijah wants to be king, rightfully in those days he would have been next in line...But David according to my chronological bible (maybe this isn't right, not sure) Solomon has already been established as king. Adonijah hasn't been disciplined AT ALL by David, his father, he may think that he will get away with this. He hasn't heard even a 'what are you doing' from his dad. David is very near death and is oblivious to all that his son is doing now. David has several of his 'people' that have joined Adonijah's side... Is all lost for Solomon to be the next king?

no.....


Because God will and does accomplish his purposes...Through Nathan the prophet and Bathsheba, who go to David. Even if Adonijah thinks he has it made here.

ok....So even though Adonijah is asserting himself.... God is in control...God's plans are to have Solomon as king. Who's plans happen?----

God's of course.... soooo I place myself in Adonijah's place here for a second. I want to do 'such and such' sin...... I do it. Will God's plans be ruined?? Of course not, so is it ok if I do that sin?God's plans will still stand. Well, to all others, everything is fine. But do I want to be that kind of person, Do I want my own way? (a lot of times, yes) Basically going against God's plans for my own purposes, and taking others with me?? (sometimes this is what I want) Well, NO!!! It all sounds good in the beginning (from my human perspective) to be getting what I want, but at what cost??!!

So I guess it comes to a choice. God being sovereign in all of it of course. (This is what God has been speaking to my heart this weekend now that I am thinking about it) As I am interacting with people through the day, I encounter choices over and over. These are my normal /everyday choices that can be about me/or about others. I don't have the chance to make myself -say- President of the USA or something. My wrong choices involve asserting myself over God in saying it is ok if I sin, or get angry, or try to be more important than God. Choosing my way over God's way....... Someone crosses my will and I get angry. Someone doesn't do what they are told and I am angry. Plans change and I have to adjust. OK> choice.... Get angry, or say, 'it's not worth it' and let it go.... If I can let it go, or choose God's way-- I have avoided hurt, more anger and frustration. If I can't let it go or choose my own way, than there is usually conflict and sometimes it takes much time and effort to resolve that and if I have already chosen to be ugly about it, than I am not in the right frame of mind to resolve it. Plus, God is not going to be pleased with my wrong heart and I have put a wall up, shown myself more important than God, so to speak, in my relationship to God. I don't know that Adonijah's had a relationship with God, but the principle is the same. Bottom line--disobedience and sin has consequences AND God's purposes will be accomplished. So I need to ask God to get my heart on board with his will, purposes, etc, or live in misery and sin :)...... That choice seems pretty easy. But really it isn't easy....I absolutely cannot do it!! I need God to align my heart with His purposes, than he will enable me to make that right choice. This is getting confusing. But it is ALL about how my heart is before God--or what God is doing in my heart. All about God really.... I am an observer with responsibilities ;) hee hee

But I wonder if Adonijah ends up with any consequences...... Well that's coming up for me to find out I guess.

this is so confusing...But that seems to happen as I go through a passage....I think I will land somewhere, sometime :)

OK, this is totally silly, but than you will be getting to know me better if I let you in on the silliness...That's just how my mind works ;)

Yesterday.... I took my boys to see Cars...The movie, and as I was sitting there.... (love this movie by the way...Highly recommend and so good if you can see it at the movies) I was thinking about what we have been talking about in our small group --Jesus being in you, living inside you as a believer. I was seeing these cars interacting with each other and thinking that the cars in the town are influencing this outsider/race car for good...They are rubbing off on him :)

....So not only sharing the gospel, but as we just live out life as a believer/follower of Jesus... We are (as we abide in HIM) making a difference and 'rubbing off' on others... So even if we don't get a chance to present the gospel...God is still doing his work through us.

Makes me see to trust him more, not depend on my 'doings', but trust what He is doing ;) and REST in that. You understand I am not saying I don't have a responsibility for obedience, etc....But it's all about God and what He is doing...In some ways I can be a spectator :) watch and learn ;)

more of the watching that I am doing....

today as I sat still before God... I was watching out the window....My first thought was Sunshine!!! Than I sat and watched the dew in the grass sparkling....Declaring God's glory!!! Tiny little sparkling drops of water, but how beautiful and if I didn't STOP and LOOK>>>> I would have missed it....Declaring God's glory...I would have MISSED IT....kinda wish I could just stay there...But, well you know....Can't sit on the couch all day ; )

k, I better stop...

Well, I think that opening my heart up to God with honest feelings and letting Him hear my cries for help...Than in His gracious mercy, He puts my eyes back on Him, by whatever way He wants and in HIS timing! But thankfully, He knows best, He knows the best timing and He can be trusted even with my feelings! ( He uses friends, scripture, songs, etc.... How creative He is in this! )

How wonderful when He gets my eyes back on HIM...What satisfaction and joy-- to go from 'having the blues ' (focused on self) to HIM changing me to be satisfied in HIM (focus on HIM)

What do we do when we are 'made for joy' but fighting the 'blues' ???

more on this... As I think about it :)

I am starting to meditate on another passage today, so not much of anything that I have come up with yet;)... (I King 1:5-27)

This renewed practice of meditating is really very exciting to me. God has used several things to confirm that I need to be doing it. I really am enjoying it! There is anticipation when coming to a new passage, but also some fear. What if I don't see anything here??

....But I always do....And mostly my goal...(and saying this here to remind myself)....Is to see what God is doing in the passage and to learn more about him.

Did you ever think of the wind as the breath of God???

My mind was blown away when I was thinking along those lines today!!
Enjoy HIM much today....see where you can SEE HIM!!!

Here's what I am trying to get into my THICK Head today....

"....to learn th practice of living in God's presence, seeing all life in relation to Him, and looking to Him, and Him alone as Commander, Defender and Rewarder."

from Knowing God by JI Packer

I was pondering a lot today and thinking about seeing God.... I also started reading 1Corinthians that a friend has encouraged me in reading.....Here's a part of an email that I wrote a his friend today. I didn't mean to, but as I was writing her I really started to SEE what I wanted to see.
That's why i am sharing it....I am scared to do this today, because I am showing you my pride : /

But i guess I can be real here....nobody really reads this anyway ;) hee heee




"I was soooo glad for this today (both your thots and what God was saying in Corinthians and for you directing me there) as I feel like I spent yesterday trying to figure out that passage...I think I was trying to gain knowledge (knowledge for knowledge sake), but not God!! I want God...I want what God is in the bible!! I don't care if I never get a nother inkling of wisdom...I want God!! Make me new...Like him, etc.... All the Bible is about is God...I want to see that there.... I know there has to be practical application.... But I really want to see what God is!!

I was thinking about this today as I looked outside....Like a squirrel....Running on the wire.... God is controlling that squirrel...But me...I couldn't even catch that squirrel if I tried, Let alone, touch it or get it to do what I want!!! The people driving down the road, I can't even catch those cars....Let alone know those people or even say hi!!! Yet God knows everything about them... Down to how many hairs on their head.... Elementary I know...But that is where I need to be I think.... I am such a prideful person...I can't believe it!!! Speaking of pride.... :) oooops...Can't help it!!! I think that is where David's issue is.... He is prideful in the numbers and he is causing the people to be prideful by counting them...Making much of them... And much of himself.... But God (here's why the census is such a big deal...It slammed me when I realized the pride in my life) shows them who is powerful by wiping out 70,000 people --NOW who is powerful....Who has cause to boast..... Here's the speculation ... God did tell David to do the census, but Satan caused David to do it in pride (total heart issue.... Not evident to others...Seems to us like not a big deal) .....

sooo..... David repents.... He feels bad....but when he sees the consequences of his sin he can't stand it (that guilty feeling you were talking about....That makes him FULLY repent) .... I know some of all this is coming from what you were telling me...But it is helping me put this together.... Anyway, God is using all this to get the temple where he wants it, showing his power and complete superiority over people....He also punished the people...Maybe their issue was pride too...Maybe that is what he is angry with them about ...Maybe they already think they are all that and this causes them to be even more prideful in themselves..."

sooo the issue seems to be pride.... I know I could be soooo wrong...but that really deals with where I am right now--Pride.... thinking that I am higher than God (what a stupid thought!! I wouldn't admit it out loud, but that is what my heart feels!!)

1 Cor 2:26-31
"Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world's eyes, or powerful, or wealthy when God called you. Instead, God deliberately chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose those who think they are wise. And he chose those who are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important, so that no one can ever boast in the presence of God.

God alone made it possible for you to be in Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made Christ to be wisdom itself. He is the one who made us acceptable to God He made us pure and holy, and he gave himself to purchase our freedom. As the Scriptures say, 'The person who wishes to boast should boast only of what the Lord has done.'"



But.... hopefully God has redirected my thinking, at least for this minute. I pray that HE will continue to keep me in the right direction on this path to HIM!!

I was doing this really regularly, this meditating/thinking process, but I had stopped doing it, really accidentally. But when we were at small group a couple of weeks ago we were talking about how we do our devotions, and I was telling them all that I do this and I realized I wasn't doing it like I used to. So I went back over some of 2 Samuel that I had already read. I also have a chronological bible that I am working through which helps, because I have both passages right there. And this passage is where I ended up pouring over. 2 Sam 24:1-18 and 1Chronicles 21:1-22:1. I am so glad to be back to this process. It is really so fun and it eventually helps me to get 'into' it. I feel like I can understand more of what is going on and put myself there.....

sooooo....This may get really long...... :)



Wow...
this 2 Samuel and I Chronicles passage has me searching, searching.... I wish that like Job we had the view of what happened in Heaven. Like when Satan is with God and God talks to him about considering his servant Job. Because, it is hard to see why Satan and God 'cause' David to do this. I am speculating, but I wonder if David is somewhat innocent* in the matter. Here's something that I wonder about.... David was the king.... God is angry with the people... Maybe David is ignorant of what sin the people are committing and so God is taking matters into his own hands. Even though God is taking matters into his own hands... He is involving David, as in letting him choose the punishment, etc. David feels remorse over the whole thing and asks God to punish him because he is the one who sinned. God calls him to sacrifice, and he does and the plague is stopped... Although God already stopped it, it's just that now we 'see' the death angel put his sword back..... This line of thought I am enjoying, because it shows God's omniscience, omnipotence, mercy and being in the ultimate control. He is using David's 'sin' to count the people, David's remorse to cause him to sacrifice. And His voice, thru Satan's idea (the sin... God can't be the one who suggests that David sin) to tell David to do this (2 Sam 24:1)


... Still.... I wonder why this census is such a bad thing. Tim's IVP Bible background commentary suggests that it was something to appease 'the gods' in ancient times to call a census and that was why David was doing it (in view of God being angry about whatever he is angry about, because it doesn't say why He was angry) So maybe that is why??

Here are some facts about the passages

--God is angry with Israel
--Satan rose up against Israel
--God and Satan cause David to take a census (2 Sam 24:1 and I Chronicles 21:1)
--the Lord told David to take a census
( My thoughts here for a minute :)maybe the Satan knew that David wouldn't take a census unless God told him to do it, which would show godly character on David's behalf and shows that God used this sin/issue for HIS purposes)

--Joab asks why David would want to cause Israel to sin (I Chron 21:3)


on to some thoughts (not necessarily facts) on the 2nd half of this passage--

--God is very displeased with the census and punishes Israel for it


--The IVP commentary that I referenced earlier suggests that the death angel was very similar to the death angel in Egypt.
--Araunah says 'may the Lord your God accept your sacrifice' I am sad that Araunah doesn't seem to have a personal relationship with God here, but David is being a witness to his God--so maybe after this Araunah does have that....But at the beginning he did not have it....Surely after witnessing what he witnessed, he would have to believe in this God of David :)

ok.... I will quit for now ;)


Feel free to comment and correct me on any of this....These are just my thoughts and I enjoy flushing them out. :)




*I am very much not sure on this and do not want to say that David wasn't sinning.....David does seem to be sinning here.....just flushing that out in written form..... seems that David's pride could be why he wants to number the people. Especially in view of all his past issues with Absalom, losing his kingdom, etc... Here he has his kingdom... counting it could be a sign of independance from God. Either way, God is using this issue to accomplish His purposes

Here's my thoughts today.... I know they are all so totally random and I am may land somewhere on them sometime, but not yet ;)

I am reading in 2 Sam 24 and 1 Chron 21.... This is the story where David sins by taking a census.... 2 Samuel says God was angry with Israel and caused David do it 1 Chron says that Satan caused David to do it.... Interesting... Anyway....

So David takes the census, even though Joab asks him not to, than David's conscience bothers him and he repents.... So Gad comes to David and gives him the 3 options of punishment that God is giving him. God will do whatever David chooses.....

1. 3 years of famine
2.3 months of fleeing enemies
3. 3 days of severe plague in the land.

David chooses #3 because he says he doesn't want to fall into enemy hands, but God's as God's mercy is great

So God sends a death angel and apparently this angel is visible at least to David and Araunah.
70,000 people are killed and than God relents and tells the angel to stop...So the angel is apparently hovering over Araunah's threshing floor. In the mean time David sees the death angel and feels remorse.... Saying that he is the guilty one and to send God's anger on himself and his family.... But God apparently makes a way of escape for David in instructing him to make a sacrifice. So David sacrifices, by buying Araunah's threshing floor (even though, Araunah wants to give it all to David) and than the angel puts his sword back into the sheath... David keeps sacrificing there and eventually decides to build the temple there, even though the tabernacle was currently in the wilderness at the hill of Gibeon... "Because he was terrified by the drawn sword of the angel of the LORD"

any way, this story is so fascinating to me with the whole angel of death, I have been pondering that a bit :) also wondering about
--God's mercy in this and judgment
--God/Satan causing David to sin
-- God punishing Israel, wonder what they were being punished for this time (lack of love for God likely )
--David's repentance is interesting, did he fully repent originally, or not fully till he saw what the death angel was doing
--Why was David terrified of the drawn sword of the angel if it was sheathed.... Was he remembering it and was it so terrifying that he couldn't get it out of his head


I know this is long... But there are so many what's 'going on's' in this ...

mostly I wonder what can be learned of God in this passage.... There seems like there is so much that I could be missing

I do love how God chose to stop at Araunah's threshing floor, you have to believe that he was SOOOOO grateful that God spared him ....And of course he wants to give David his threshing floor and all that would be required to stop the plague!! But David doesn't want to offer God something that costs him nothing.... And how cool for Araunah that the temple gets built on what used to be his property ;)

anyway, guess I could go on and on ....But I won't

OK--here's an obsession of mine.... i also posted this on the youth website:) YES>>>>Total obsesssion :) Ted Dekker has a new novel coming out.... This site gives a great preview of it in comic form

http://www.readted.com


i believe you need a code to get in....one of these 2 should work (and earn me points :)

568460 is my Forest Guard number
fg2j8u is a code that can be used to access the site

Here's what I am thinking about the past couple days.... A 'to do' list...Or lack of it :) As a mom, wife, homeschooler, church worker, I feel like there is always something 'to do'. Here's what happens.... Sometimes I am able 'to do' these things with a nice attitude, sometimes I ignore the things 'to do', and sometimes I get overwhelmed when I feel like they are stacking up on me. The third one seems to be my normal one, especially if I need to get out the door or go somewhere. So my contemplation is: How do I just rest and not get overwhelmed.... How do I 'do' what I need to 'do' without being overwhelmed??? How do I accomplish all these things with a Mary attitude, not a Martha attitude???? YOU see what I mean???? I don't know the answer, but I think it begins with a right heart towards God....Or even just thinking of God --or setting my mind on heavenly things (Colossians 3:1-3 ), having a mind that is set on him.....SOOOO, I need to first of all ask God to do that in me and secondly find all the ways that help me be 'there'..... Some ways that help me get 'there'

1. Reading a devotional/theology book + the Bible in the morning (or making time later)
2. Listening to music through the day
3. When the day goes very badly--I have a huge need to have God's help (He does this for me:)
4. Stopping and looking at all I have from God in a grateful spirit
5. Stopping and looking at nature and knowing that God created that for me to enjoy!!!!

Nothing to serious today....something fun....

I have been going thru Christian comics for the youth blog, that i also try to post to ....and this one has been my favorite so far :)

If you have any thoughts on this passage or insight I would love to read it-- IISam 24:10-25 or the alternate passage 1Chron 21:7-22:1

Here's where my mind is wandering today :).... I was contemplating the whole "Made for Joy " issue. OK, so I am made for Joy in God...That's what God made me for....To Glory in Him, be satisfied in Him. I see and understand that (at least somewhat)...And I want to be joyful.... I want to be Happy and Satisfied. That is the desire that I am constantly trying to fill. Now granted, I don't always fill it with God and His word. Often it is food, entertainment, friends, etc... BUT I am always trying to be happy or joyful or satisfied.

SOOOO, why am I ever not happy or why do I get angry??? Or stressed???? That isn't joy or satisfaction... And to a point I have the choice? Well, here's my hard truth.... My will has been crossed..... Or the desire that I was pursuing to be happy.... Well, someone/something just got in the way of that. Now I am angry, frustrated or stressed....BUT I am really going against myself here....cuz my real desire is happiness. So that means I am being very ignorant at this point, even of my own wants...I want to be happy, but I am choosing anger, stress, or frustration. How interesting that I choose something I don't even want!!!!

I don't know that I can 'get' to the point where I see this on a daily basis, but at least it is in my mind now ;) And I really desire to be pursuing God (not food, friends, etc--I know these are gifts from God, so in a sense i can be pursuing God here, or enjoying Him through these gifts) in the area of happiness, satisfaction....so all I am saying.... I have a long way to go....By God's grace, he will continue to drag me along ;)

Here's what we were doing this weekend... Playing :) -- Playing at Grandpa and Grandma's

Tim was working really hard at buiding a playhouse and the boys and I were playing :)

The weekend was really fun and we enjoyed ourselves....

This morning as I was contemplating getting ready for school.... I was reading Knowing God and Hosea. I was really enriched by the combination of both of these. Hosea, reminds me of my sin and Knowing God, was reminding me of the greatness of God. It seems that if I stop for a second (as I did during my devotions) I SEE HIM. There was a spider crawling and making a web just outside my window. And as we 'played' this weekend, it was very evident to me that God made and gave to me these boys. OOOOO that I would be faithful to train them as unto HIM.

Here are the 4 points that Knowing God was instructing me in :

1. Listening to God's Word and receiving it as the Holy Spirit interprets it to me
2. Noting God's nature and character-as His Word reveals it
3. Accepting His invitations and doing what He commands
4. Recognizing and rejoicing in the love that He has shown in thus approaching one and drawing one in to this divine fellowship.