Yesterday, God really showed me some interesting things.... A very long story, but let's see if I can get some of it out at least ;)

Well, I have been really struggling through my times with God,and sometimes for days at a time avoiding it altogether. Not on purpose, but things happen and I just let it 'slide'. This has been happening on and off for about 2 weeks. Well, some things are happening as far as 'rest of my life' decisions with Tim and I and I just felt a really big need to hear from and sit before God.... sooooo here's what came really directly from God ....I am very thankful BTW....Because as I said, I have NOT been faithful to him, yet he continues to be faithful to me!! How amazing and wonderful....

So, I realize as I go to God's word that I need someone to preach to me....I am not getting it on my own, so I chose Spurgeon for this day, ( either choose him or CS Lewis :).....Well, the title of this particular entry was "The sin of unbelief"

"Thou shalt see it with thine eyes, but shalt not eat thereof." Listen unbelievers! Ye have heard this morning your sin; now listen to your doom: "Ye shall see it with your eyes, but shalt not eat thereof." It is so often with God's own saints. When they are unbelieving, they see the mercy with their eyes, but do not eat it. Now, here is corn in this land of Egypt; but there are some of God's saints who come here on the Sabbath, and say, "I do not know whether the Lord will be with me or not." Some of them say, "Well, the gospel is preached, but I do not know whether it will be successful." They are always doubting and fearing. Listen to them when they get out of the chapel. "Well, did you get a good meal this morning?" "Nothing for me." Of course not. Ye could see it with your eyes, but did not eat it, because you had no faith. If you had come up with faith, you would have had a morsel. I have found Christians, who have grown so very critical, that if the whole portion of the meat they are to have, in due season, is not cut up exactly into square pieces, and put upon some choice dish of porcelain, they cannot eat it. Then they ought to go without; and they will have to go without, until they are brought to their appetites. They will have some affliction, which will act like quinine upon them: they will be made to eat by means of bitters in their mouths; they will be put in prison for a day or two until their appetite returns, and then they will be glad to eat the most ordinary food, off the most common platter, or no platter at all. But the real reason why God's people do not feed under a gospel ministry, is, because they have not faith. If you believed, if you did but hear one promise, that would be enough.

for meditation: The unbeliever needs to hear in order to believe (Romans 10:14);the believer needs to believe in order to hear"

the Scriptures that went with this devotional were 2Kings 7:19 and John 20:24-29 Which show 2 people and their unbelief. A king's messenger who says even if God opens heaven, that won't happen and Thomas who says I won't believe unless I see. God honors Thomas and punishes the messenger. How encouraging that God gently, kindly ministers to the needs of Thomas, even in his unbelief!!! Let me believe, but minister to my unbelief as well dear Lord!! I guess the difference is that the messenger says, no matter what God does, it can't happen! I pray that God will keep me from that! --- so belief is a big issue and i am sure it is going to apply to alot of my 'life decision' issues..... but i also need to know what to do in relation to my whole 'life decision' ---hope you can follow my 'random' thots.......but anyway........ we were not in agreement with our thots..... this was in the back of my mind...... and as I finished my time with God I really wanted to have a take away verse that I could carry with me and be encouraged by and this is the one God gave me! It's Philippians 2:2b (and beyond really) but this is what I needed in relation to my 'life issue'

"agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose" ---so there's my direction for this life decision. I didn't really have a feeling of agreement, but that truth from God's word confirmed what I need to do and changed my heart!! But I remember that I was faithless and God was faithful to me in the midst of that--so, it is nothing of me, but God in His kindness making me a little bit more like Jesus ;) and I am sooooo thankful for that!!!

and today, Spurgeon's title was "Self-Sufficiency Slain" scriptures 2Chronicles 32:30-31 John 15:5 and Philippians 4:6-13--i am glad for this as well, cuz i don't want to think "I have this down"..... i need God every bit in this area as ever....k, guess i better be done here.....