I was pondering a lot today and thinking about seeing God.... I also started reading 1Corinthians that a friend has encouraged me in reading.....Here's a part of an email that I wrote a his friend today. I didn't mean to, but as I was writing her I really started to SEE what I wanted to see.
That's why i am sharing it....I am scared to do this today, because I am showing you my pride : /

But i guess I can be real here....nobody really reads this anyway ;) hee heee




"I was soooo glad for this today (both your thots and what God was saying in Corinthians and for you directing me there) as I feel like I spent yesterday trying to figure out that passage...I think I was trying to gain knowledge (knowledge for knowledge sake), but not God!! I want God...I want what God is in the bible!! I don't care if I never get a nother inkling of wisdom...I want God!! Make me new...Like him, etc.... All the Bible is about is God...I want to see that there.... I know there has to be practical application.... But I really want to see what God is!!

I was thinking about this today as I looked outside....Like a squirrel....Running on the wire.... God is controlling that squirrel...But me...I couldn't even catch that squirrel if I tried, Let alone, touch it or get it to do what I want!!! The people driving down the road, I can't even catch those cars....Let alone know those people or even say hi!!! Yet God knows everything about them... Down to how many hairs on their head.... Elementary I know...But that is where I need to be I think.... I am such a prideful person...I can't believe it!!! Speaking of pride.... :) oooops...Can't help it!!! I think that is where David's issue is.... He is prideful in the numbers and he is causing the people to be prideful by counting them...Making much of them... And much of himself.... But God (here's why the census is such a big deal...It slammed me when I realized the pride in my life) shows them who is powerful by wiping out 70,000 people --NOW who is powerful....Who has cause to boast..... Here's the speculation ... God did tell David to do the census, but Satan caused David to do it in pride (total heart issue.... Not evident to others...Seems to us like not a big deal) .....

sooo..... David repents.... He feels bad....but when he sees the consequences of his sin he can't stand it (that guilty feeling you were talking about....That makes him FULLY repent) .... I know some of all this is coming from what you were telling me...But it is helping me put this together.... Anyway, God is using all this to get the temple where he wants it, showing his power and complete superiority over people....He also punished the people...Maybe their issue was pride too...Maybe that is what he is angry with them about ...Maybe they already think they are all that and this causes them to be even more prideful in themselves..."

sooo the issue seems to be pride.... I know I could be soooo wrong...but that really deals with where I am right now--Pride.... thinking that I am higher than God (what a stupid thought!! I wouldn't admit it out loud, but that is what my heart feels!!)

1 Cor 2:26-31
"Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world's eyes, or powerful, or wealthy when God called you. Instead, God deliberately chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose those who think they are wise. And he chose those who are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important, so that no one can ever boast in the presence of God.

God alone made it possible for you to be in Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made Christ to be wisdom itself. He is the one who made us acceptable to God He made us pure and holy, and he gave himself to purchase our freedom. As the Scriptures say, 'The person who wishes to boast should boast only of what the Lord has done.'"



But.... hopefully God has redirected my thinking, at least for this minute. I pray that HE will continue to keep me in the right direction on this path to HIM!!