Retraining the Brain in Marriage

Here are some things I have been thinking about in relation
to marriage.
Just some initial 'helps and corrections to my current thoughts
and wrong attitudes.   I realize my  blog doesn't follow a common
theme and jumps all over the place, but bear with me.
These are all things I struggle through, you may not, but I feel like
these are so important for me--so thought I would share.

...Some  of them are things to pray, but most of this is just plain ole
practical....

-Date your husband/wife ....even if it has to be an in house date
(kids to bed early, special quiet  meal together,
etc, be creative).... just spend a little planning....
don't worry about how extravagant it is...just putting some
simple thoughts into it...it doesn't have to be perfect, just done
(there's my get er done attitude)....don't wait for him/her  to
do it, it's your responsibility.

-Pray that you will have a love for him/her....sometimes it
is hard to love, but the love has to be there...only God can
put love there, you can't make it happen.  You still have
to love though, no getting off the hook.  (does that make sense?)

-Fight in your mind (this takes some prayer)
and 'turn off' the bad things that your mind says about your
husband/wife.   this is an  an EMERGENCY!  You MUST MAKE
your mind STOP!  no questions...this HAS TO HAPPEN......
they know or sense...
when you are not right towards them.   Sometimes
a visual in your mind is helpful.  When you notice it
happening you visualize a
cloud in the sky or  a beach view, or whatever you
want to visualize.

This visual can act as a trigger when you realize it is
happening so that you can at least acknowledge that it is
happening, Then after you know it, you have to fight with all
your worth to make it stop...sometimes it takes days.... Keep
using your visual not only as a trigger but also
as a distraction.  Use Scripture as a redirection for your mind
as well, that would be the best tool.   An illustration of
is that
I see/feel that my husband has done something wrong
(this may
or may not be a true thing, almost always it isn't true).... and I
can't stop thinking about it, processing it, going over it in
my mind, etc.... the thing is, this blinds me to any of my
issues, because my mind makes it  seems so gigantic
because it is such
a constant in my mind, that I can't possibly be doing
anything wrong...
It  can feel like a  sub-conscious " i am going crazy, war" But
i feel like this
voice MUST STOP  because of the terrible destruction that it
 leaves.....
So it requires a re-training of the brain. Which obviously takes time,
but MUST happen.

-Forgive and/or let go whenever you can....Fight (with God's help)
for forgiveness, even when an apology isn't offered

-Do not expect ANYTHING from your husband/wife,  but love
who he/she is, for what he/she  is, as is, in
front of you.... this also probably requires a re-training
of the brain as well.


I realizing more and more that marriage is hard work,
BUT it is
incredibly worth it.  The work can become
harder or easier, but always worth it.