Retraining the Brain in Marriage

Here are some things I have been thinking about in relation
to marriage.
Just some initial 'helps and corrections to my current thoughts
and wrong attitudes.   I realize my  blog doesn't follow a common
theme and jumps all over the place, but bear with me.
These are all things I struggle through, you may not, but I feel like
these are so important for me--so thought I would share.

...Some  of them are things to pray, but most of this is just plain ole
practical....

-Date your husband/wife ....even if it has to be an in house date
(kids to bed early, special quiet  meal together,
etc, be creative).... just spend a little planning....
don't worry about how extravagant it is...just putting some
simple thoughts into it...it doesn't have to be perfect, just done
(there's my get er done attitude)....don't wait for him/her  to
do it, it's your responsibility.

-Pray that you will have a love for him/her....sometimes it
is hard to love, but the love has to be there...only God can
put love there, you can't make it happen.  You still have
to love though, no getting off the hook.  (does that make sense?)

-Fight in your mind (this takes some prayer)
and 'turn off' the bad things that your mind says about your
husband/wife.   this is an  an EMERGENCY!  You MUST MAKE
your mind STOP!  no questions...this HAS TO HAPPEN......
they know or sense...
when you are not right towards them.   Sometimes
a visual in your mind is helpful.  When you notice it
happening you visualize a
cloud in the sky or  a beach view, or whatever you
want to visualize.

This visual can act as a trigger when you realize it is
happening so that you can at least acknowledge that it is
happening, Then after you know it, you have to fight with all
your worth to make it stop...sometimes it takes days.... Keep
using your visual not only as a trigger but also
as a distraction.  Use Scripture as a redirection for your mind
as well, that would be the best tool.   An illustration of
is that
I see/feel that my husband has done something wrong
(this may
or may not be a true thing, almost always it isn't true).... and I
can't stop thinking about it, processing it, going over it in
my mind, etc.... the thing is, this blinds me to any of my
issues, because my mind makes it  seems so gigantic
because it is such
a constant in my mind, that I can't possibly be doing
anything wrong...
It  can feel like a  sub-conscious " i am going crazy, war" But
i feel like this
voice MUST STOP  because of the terrible destruction that it
 leaves.....
So it requires a re-training of the brain. Which obviously takes time,
but MUST happen.

-Forgive and/or let go whenever you can....Fight (with God's help)
for forgiveness, even when an apology isn't offered

-Do not expect ANYTHING from your husband/wife,  but love
who he/she is, for what he/she  is, as is, in
front of you.... this also probably requires a re-training
of the brain as well.


I realizing more and more that marriage is hard work,
BUT it is
incredibly worth it.  The work can become
harder or easier, but always worth it.

More Construction, ETC....

TWO Pictures are from more construction and I found the other one on the camera...hmmm...what are those boys doing while we work ;)???? something with night vision goggles??????

Tim has put up 2 beams for support in our 'new' openings, so it felt sooooo much more open, strange how removing a few boards opened it up so much more, but I am PUMPED! :) He has one more beam to do and than...on to other parts and painting is coming up! YAY!

Loving this/Needing this

Ezekiel 11:19 And I will give them singleness of heart and put a new spirit within them. I will take away their stony, stubborn heart and give them a tender, responsive heart,*

Footnotes:

11:19 Hebrew a heart of flesh.

God used this in me this last week, to remind me that I need HIM to change me...and boy did I need changing...just ask TIM ;) Miscellaneous/Multiple episodes of bad attitude, hard heartedness, etc. So although I still feel a sense of hard heartedness, I believe that God is working in my heart and I am so thankful. Because this past weekend, I felt the utter powerlessness to change my own heart, so what a cool promise! I kept it to one verse for brevity, but feel free to scan the passage for context, as it is GREAT!

Update

Well, here's what we have been trying to accomplish. We really want a more open look in our house, so we have removed alot of our walls.... We have seen a-lot of progress, but now plumbing is slowing us down. That is funny, because I say 'us'...but really it is mostly Tim! ;)

Tim has to make some beams for the ceilings, than we can remove those studs

It's VERY exciting to see the progress... I am also soooo excited to see the finished product! We bought some flooring yesterday for the dining room, and than we need it for the kitchen when we decide what we want. In the midst of all that we also had some fabulous friends help us remove most of the chimney....thank you FRIENDS!!!!!

Later guys....

Probably won't be posting for a while...I will update later, but just wanted to say that....

Than I won't feel like I have to.... some strange unknown cyber pressure to post on my blog won't be calling out to me! ;)

until later!

Couple things

Here
is what I got for a Christmas present
Yay, a hair straightener!!!!!
I am sooo enjoying it and it is such a new thing for me! This is the girlee side of me :) I am not always like that, having boys and all....but wow...what a fun toy!

But than there's a conviction from a mental picture that I am living with in my mind. This picture keeps coming to my mind, and I am really glad, actually!

I was talking to Tim about (this came to my mind after a conversation in SS) what if there was a video camera running in my house 24/7. What would I act like if my friends saw the way I talked to my family when no one is around. As soon as I said it, I was hugely convicted! It's interesting, because I have become blind to the way I treat those closest to me!

Wanzalara's Cottage

One of my Christmas presents from my parents was a book that their pastor wrote...here is the page that gives his bio and the first 2 chapters of the book... :) you can borrow it from me if you get hooked :) I got hooked. It is a kid's book I think, but it kept my attention and was a fun and short read.

I plan to read it to the boys after I finish with the Chronicles of Narnia. We are on the Last Battle and anxious to finish it! After I finish both these books, I plan to read them the Chronicles of Narnia again.

I suppose they aren't going to let me read to them forever....but for now...it's been alot of fun!

Prayer and Thankfulness

I pray for a heart of repentance like this..."The king and the leaders of Israel humbled themselves and said, 'The Lord is right in doing this to us!' " (they were sorry and repentant, even though God was going to destroy them!...I am often sorry so that the consequences will be removed)

I am so thankful for God's mercy as in ...."When the Lord saw their change of heart, he gave this message to Shemaiah: 'Since the people have humbled themselves, I will not completely destroy them....' "

II Chronicles 12:5-6 NLT

Browsing in the New Year

Here is where my browsing led me this 2nd day of January. We are looking into doing a mission trip, so I have been browsing the different agencies. It has been very informative to me and I like the education of looking at the different websites. I particularly like the way this ministry is approaching this particular people group. It makes alot of sense. See what you think if you want. Here it is.